unexpected expectation

i've had plenty of time for contemplation which has landed me here writing this blog. seems strange that the last time I wrote from this location I called it home, now i'm merely a visitor. life has been oddly wonderful and oddly strange in the last few weeks and I can hardly recognize any resemblences to pre-italy life. amazing what a few new experiences can do to you. I don't say that lightly either because life has handed me a stack of changes, some expected others not.

I don't desire to go into any deep of the happenings in my life as of late: mainly to protect the not-so and innocent. what I can say about recent happenings is that I've been left feeling "sucker punched" in the gut. it has made me seek comfort and peace from a familar place but even that relationship has evolved to something new. the comfort I find is that God continues to quiet my heart and teach me thru my circumstances. these have not been easy or painless lessons. in fact, I can't really remember the last I felt this way. its not easy to navigate through uncharted waters....yet, that is where I find myself. as always, I remain positive but can't seem to escape a sinking feeling about certain situations: call it intuition, call it knowledge, call it nothing at all. shifts are inevitable. the courage I once had to delve into the deep appears to be failing me now in hesitation. my fault in that thought is that emotions are fleeting and there is courage to be found in foundations laid strong not in the emotional throes of life. it's easier to be tossed around in the wake of circumstances instead of lowering the anchors from deep within our spirits giving way to stability. being tossed around always leads to disorientation and "sickness." but anchoring allows us to maintain the course and provides stability. it is the harder choice but when the storm subsides we will find ourselves where we should be and not shipwrecked with Gilligan and the crew on a deserted island. that's where I find comfort and peace knowing i'm safe in God's hands.